The Dangers of Being the Only Carer
If you’re the sole carer for someone living with dementia, you’re not alone — but it can often feel like you are.
Around 50% of people looking after someone with dementia are doing it completely on their own. Many are older themselves, with their own health needs, and are giving everything they have to the person they love.
It’s an act of deep love and duty — but it’s also a fragile situation. And when something goes wrong, it can go very wrong.
What Happens When the Carer Needs Care?
A heartbreaking reminder came recently with the deaths of actor Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy. Betsy had been Gene’s sole carer. When she died, he passed away soon after. It raised the painful but important question: what happens in caring homes when something awful happens to the carer?
Many people in that position don’t know how to ask for help. They just keep going, day after day, because they feel they have to. But over time, the relentlessness of solo caregiving takes a toll.
You’re not only looking after your loved one, but the house, the appointments, the food, the routines — often with no breaks, no support, and no end in sight.
The Psychological Cost of Caring Alone
The 2024 Australian Carer Wellbeing Survey found what many already feel in their bones: carers need to be cared for too.
The results were clear:
Carers have a higher rate of psychological distress
They’re more than twice as likely to have low well-being
They’re significantly more likely to feel lonely
The carers surveyed described themselves as exhausted, burned out, and isolated. The emotional and cognitive load is immense — and yet most suffer in silence, simply because they don’t want to let the person they care for down.
But here’s the truth: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
What You Can Do to Look After Yourself
Looking after yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. And even if you don’t have lots of help around, there are small steps you can take to protect your health and wellbeing.
Here are a few suggestions to get started:
🤝 Stay connected to others
Don’t neglect your friends. Reach out, talk, visit — even a short conversation can help ease feelings of isolation.
🕰️ Schedule small breaks
Try to find at least 30 minutes each day to step away from your role as a carer. Whether that’s reading a book, going for a walk, or just sitting in peace with music — those moments matter.
🧑🤝🧑 Share the load
If you have family, ask for help — even just an hour here or there. If you don’t, reach out to local dementia support organisations or carers’ groups. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.
🏡 Explore respite care
If it’s financially possible, even a few hours of paid help each week can make a big difference. Just having time to catch up on rest or errands can help you feel more in control.
