When someone you love develops dementia, it can feel as though the relationship you've always known is slowly changing.
Conversations become more difficult.
Shared memories may fade.
Activities you once enjoyed together might no longer be possible.
But sometimes, one familiar connection remains.
For father and son Fred and James Smith, that connection was running.
And remarkably, neither of them had originally been a runner.
It Started With the London Marathon
Their story began in 2009, when Fred and James were watching the London Marathon together.
Fred, who was around 70 at the time, casually mentioned that he'd like to give running a try.
James agreed to join him.
Before long, the pair had completed their first 10K together.
What began as a simple idea became something much more meaningful.
Running gave them a shared interest and a way to spend time together, particularly in a relationship where conversation hadn't always come easily.
They didn't necessarily need to sit down and talk about their feelings.
They could simply run alongside one another.
When Dementia Entered Their Lives
In 2014, Fred was diagnosed with dementia.
As his condition progressed, many aspects of everyday life began to change.
But running remained important to him.
Even after moving into a care home, Fred continued doing small laps around the garden.
His physical fitness also presented challenges. As his dementia progressed, there were occasions when he could wander considerable distances before being found.
It was a difficult balance between recognising his love of movement and keeping him safe.
Yet his interest in running never entirely disappeared.
One question he continued asking James was:
"How's running going?"
Even as other parts of their relationship changed, that familiar subject remained something they could share.
One Particularly Special Walk
Shortly before Fred entered residential care in 2022, father and son completed an extraordinary journey together.
They walked 42 miles along the Essex Way.
James took photographs throughout their journey and later turned them into a book for his father.
At the time, it was another shared experience.
But as Fred's dementia progressed and he eventually lost his mobility, those photographs and memories became even more precious.
Fred is now bedbound, making the time they spent walking and running together especially meaningful.
Connection Doesn't Always Need Words
There's something particularly moving about Fred and James's story.
It reminds us that relationships aren't built entirely on conversations or the ability to remember shared experiences.
Sometimes connection is found in doing something together.
For one family, that might be walking.
For another, it could be gardening, listening to music, baking or watching a favourite television programme.
The activity itself isn't necessarily the important part.
It's the familiarity, enjoyment and sense of togetherness it creates.
And even when someone can no longer participate in exactly the same way, there may still be opportunities to adapt.
A keen gardener might enjoy looking at flowers or helping choose plants.
Someone who loved cooking might enjoy stirring ingredients or simply smelling familiar foods.
A lifelong music lover might still find comfort in a favourite song.
What Can You Still Share?
When dementia changes someone we love, it's natural to focus on the things that are disappearing.
The conversations we miss.
The routines that no longer work.
The activities we've had to leave behind.
But Fred and James's story encourages us to ask a different question.
What can we still enjoy together?
It might not look exactly as it once did.
It might take longer, require more support or involve adjusting our expectations.
But those moments of connection still matter.
And sometimes, years later, they're the moments families treasure most.
